I’ve had a few over the years, plus online journals. Each served its own purpose, such as chronicling the goings-on of my teenaged and college-aged life, giving me an outlet for creativity, showcasing my work, and simply being a conglomeration of reposts and some original posts to facilitate various obsessions. (Yeah, I’m looking at you, Tumblr.)
This one is much different.
It took a while for me to finally start it. First, I wasn’t sure which platform to use or if I wanted it to be free or to pay for it. I probably read about five different lists of “the best” sites that all said WordPress was the way to go, and, of course, there was the .com versus .org lesson to learn. Then, I wasn’t sure what to call the blog or what it would be about. Blogs are supposed to be focused on a main topic, like crafting, cooking, or traveling. Would my broad personal narrative idea be good enough or interesting enough? And third and possibly most important, I wasn’t sure I could commit to it. I didn’t want to go to all the trouble of setting it up if I made a post or two and then forgot about it for the next year. I already have a very full life with work, school, a relationship, family and friends, and hobbies that I don’t have enough time for. Could I make room for a blog too?
Well, I decided that, if it’s that big of a deal to me, I would make room for it. I would just have to rearrange some things. I also am pre-planning a little. I jotted down ideas for posts and themes to explore. And, as a writer who feels the guilt of not writing more often, now I have an objective, and, therefore, a reason to write. So, really, I can write at any time, like I’m doing right now during a lull at work.
I am a little concerned about how I’ll manage once school starts though. School is a huge part of my life that I am determined to successfully finish, and, while I have lots of free time now, I won’t in about three more weeks. (Ugh, summer vacation is almost over…) Not to mention, most of my assignments involve writing, so I’m worried about burnout and feeling like keeping up with the blog is a chore. But if I can post at least once a week during the semesters, I’ll be happy. Plus, I want to challenge myself to maintain a continuous personal writing project. And it’s not like these posts are particularly arduous to write. They’re fairly off-the-cuff, and they might end up being an escape from my assignments.
We shall see where this takes me.
Not a “hot mess” though because, quite frankly, I’m not too fond of that saying.
Just a mess. A mess of ideas and hopes and desires. Some of which I actually follow through on. Others are forgotten. And many more are totally unrealistic, something I struggle to admit to myself. They can’t be worked into my life, so they fall by the wayside. But if I’m lucky, I’ve written them down.
Speaking of writing things down, I am a writer, which either intensifies my mess-being state or explains it. I haven’t decided which. Maybe it’s both.
I’m also a dreamer. I’m the girl with her “head in the clouds,” constantly contemplating the possibilities and the options. What would it mean to take this chance or that? Or to not take this chance or that? Where will that leave me, and will I have enough money?
And lastly, I’m an eternal optimist with a side of nagging realist. Optimism is my natural mindset. I understand the most logical outcome and that it generally has the best chance of occurring, but I love to leave the door open for the most sought after outcome.
Even if it’s not so logical.